
To quote Admiral Ackbar, "It's a trap!" And that is exactly what relationships are. At least to most men and some women. The way I figure it, men would be perfectly fine if women were just used purely as sex objects and were sometimes cool to hang out with, while with women they'd like to have the perfect man who knows everything she wants and can anticipate her needs and actually want her for her mind and body. Guess what? You're both stupid for thinking that either of those will happen. So here is a basic guide for how I think relationships should be in an idealistic situation. But I guess I should give some background on myself in terms of relationships...
I have been in a few serious relationships, I have been in some of those "Oh we're dating" type things, and I've had those one night stands where I've told the girl I won't call her later (and I told her that before we've had sex, so I made sure I wrapped it before i tapped it). I have been in love with two women in my life... the first one was a wonderful woman. Conservative, but she was open to try new things (video games, poker, etc. you perv). Eventually, I noticed that her expectations of me were a bit unrealistic, such as moving with her yet not living with her. To be honest I felt our relationship was starting to regress and she could never be fully open with me, yet I could be with her. She and I still talk on a somewhat regular basis and I wouldn't mind hanging out with her. I trust her and she's still a good friend of mine. I care about her and she cares about me, and I could go as far as to say I love her, but it just didn't pan out and I don't really see us ever getting married or anything. But because of her I took more interest in music, understood quality in music, saw the damage bad spending can do, learned a hell of a lot about Victoria's Secret, and figured out what I wanted in a woman.
Of course after our breakup, I took it fairly hard because it was my first love. I was willing to move for her and I actually moved back to State College because I cared about her. But alas I am just a stupid hopeless romantic. After our breakup, a lot of girls expressed interest, and I had a few flings. After one incident, I couldn't take it anymore, had a bit of break... then had with a cool friend of mine (she's cute), then started sort of dated another chick (a trusted friend now), another fling (a whore who happened to be a friend's sister), another fling (friend of mine and a roommate of a previous fling), and then a friend with benefits deal. But I started to feel hollow. So eventually I started dating this one chick who had a kid, and for some reason she stopped talking to me and I with her, but with no animosity. Her and I are talking again... but just as friends. After this I started drunkenly hitting on this one female after I had played poker and eventually kept talking to her and trying to get to know her. She became the second person I fell in love with. The problem is she was married at the time. You ever hear of the lesson: "don't get involved with someone already involved?" Well I decided to take a shit on that rule and then piss on it for good measure. Our relationship was good, but she was a slightly jealous type. And it wasn't until after our breakup that I realized a few things. I won't put her down or anything, but long story short my confidence got almost completely destroyed, I have a deep-seeded distrust of women in general now and I am probably scarred for the rest of my life. Not a big deal, at least I am aware of it. But, she made me realize how good of a guy I was and how good I am capable of being, regardless of the supposed temper I have or my ridiculously huge ego (not my fault I am right so damn often).
Now, my own love life is hard to balance between schoolwork, hobbies (sports, working out, writing, poker), and work. But I do make time... but I realized a few things about relationships:
1) The person you are involved with has to not be involved with someone else
2) The person you are involved with has to have a clean track record (in terms of loyalty)
3) The person you are involved with has to be able to stand on their own.
4) The person you are involved with should never be afraid to be honest with you about anything.
5) ... has to be willing to accept you for who you are regardless (i.e. love unconditionally).
To elaborate on each based on its number:
1) Simple concept.
2) A girlfriend or boyfriend who has cheated before and/or has multiple times probably will again. Why? Because this person goes from one thing to the next and therefore is probably a whore and/or slut.
3) The ability to stand on one's own is important. If the person can pay their own bills, maintain their own place and knows what it's like to be single for at least a few months, then odds are they are reliable and won't mooch off of you. If a person has never really been single, or had no responsibility in the previous relationship... that's a red flag.
4) Omitting the truth can just be as bad as lying. It can fuck up one's trust in the relationship and thus make the relationship regress.
5) You can't change people. You can influence them slightly or show how good something works out for you, but you can't change their true personality. To think that is borderline insane or stupid.
Now I have set up two couples that got married and thanked me for either having me introduce them to each other or keep them from breaking up. That's an awesome feeling. Both marriages have cracked the one year barrier and will continue to go strong (I hope).
By now, I am guessing that you the reader are going: "What the fuck? It seemed like you were anti-relationships, yet here you are hoping for them to go strong, what gives?" Well my curiously impatient friend, I am a hopeless romantic after all...
Relationships are good, but to get into one, especially when the last one fucked you over royally... take these tips into account:
1) No games, no bullshit. Don't lead people on to think one thing and then tell them to screw themselves. That just doesn't work and it burns a lot of bridges. A few women are interested in me right now (or at least seem to be) and I get mixed signals all the time. And yes, I find most of these women attractive and yes, sometimes I make the moves to show I am attracted to them. But the best thing to do is to go with the flow. I personally like to hang out with the people I am attracted to so I can get to know them better. There is nothing wrong with hanging out with people you like, now if you sleep with all of them (and I mean have sex) that could be a real problem.
2) Be honest. Always be honest with any question asked of you. I will never lie to anyone for any reason unless it's something to do with a gift they are about to receive, really funny and nobody should get hurt, or it's part of some game (poker?). I often tell women that I will never lie to them so they ask me questions like how many women I've slept with, how big my penis is, what I find to be the most attractive feature is in a woman, if I have a man-crush (Johnny Depp), and so on. When they realize I am serious, more often than not they are impressed.
3) Be yourself. Don't act like you're something you're not, then you're just lying. People hate liars.
4) For girls: be more direct with guys. Guys don't get subtle things very well. Be direct and to the point, men appreciate it. When asking a guy a question, let it be more open ended than the typically short answer, because it allows the guy to open up without realizing he is doing it.
5) For guys: try to pick up on the little things and do the little things. It goes a long way. Open doors for women, open that water or soda you get for her, when you notice something different about her then mention it to her (assuming you can figure it out), and remember as much as you can about her. Talk about her more than about yourself.
So hopefully you, the reader, learned something here. If not, you need to kick your own ass.
So women, be direct and openly honest with guys. It helps solve a lot of headaches.
Guys, do the little things and treat women as a friend first, it will go a long way.
Now children, remember that relationships go into these steps:
1) Initial attraction (something has to attract you to the person to talk to them)
2) Acquaintanceship
3) Friendship
4) Good friends
5) Relationship
6) Engagement
7) Marriage
Sometimes a lot of people stay at certain levels. My roommates are both girls and they will always stay good friends. I love them to death and they are like my sisters, but I'll never get involved with them romantically (nothing against them, I just don't see them that way). Some people I know will be acquaintances because I don't go out of my way to hang out with them that much.
And some people can bounce around. I've known some people who were married, got divorced, and are now just good friends. But that's a rarity. In general it progresses as stated above. But if it regresses, it can go to pure hatred... but that's a whole different ball game.
I hope this helps both sexes out, because we're all stupid when it comes to the opposite sex.